so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
