his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
