So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
