did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
