i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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