Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Randomize
