My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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