I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
