I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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