The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
