Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
