College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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