You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
