yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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