The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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