He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I looked at my own cervix.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
