Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
