addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
