Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did I show you my penis last night?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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