someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
