I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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