When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
