the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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