Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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