Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
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He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
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Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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