my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
