Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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