I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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