There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There are leaves in my underwear?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
