She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
