I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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