I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
