Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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