I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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