I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
