If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
