help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
