Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
