ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
