I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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