go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
