I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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