Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
