Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
