Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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