I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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