You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
