my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize