I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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