I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
