When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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