he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
