he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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