my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
