I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
