No stitches, just platelets and will power
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
