Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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