Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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