You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
