i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
