It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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