The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
