She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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