Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
