For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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