Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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