beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
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Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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