Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
