I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
