I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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