You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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