I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
