yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
