mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my shit smells like andre
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
