I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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