what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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