just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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