yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
