cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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