This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
