I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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