meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
