It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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