dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
