Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
