Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Less talking, more tequila
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
